Dearest Laya,
I believe all parents are going through a hard time with their teenage kids. It is very difficult to stay in control, responsible for your teens' welfare and safety on the one hand, and letting them have the feeling of independence, freedom and making their own decisions. A great rabbi, one of the five students of Rabbi Akiva, was described as: "Joy should be granted to his mother", and it is explained that his mother used to bring him to listen to the rabbis in the study hall, while he was still in her womb. That is when one starts educating children. When the kids get to their teens, it is already too late. This blog should be open for newlyweds before they have ther first child born. The way we raise our kids when they are young, that is what we will expect to receive when they grow up and become teenagers. It is taught by our sages that the time to educate and disipline our kids is when they are small. When they are big it is forbidden to disipline them, because they might snap back and do things that they are not supposed to do.As it is termed in the Gemara: "you should not put an obstacle before the blind."
Now that we realised that we are in a difficult time, a state of miscomunication, what do we do?
First thing is breath in deep and know that this is a temporary state that will pass in a few years. Second is to realise that whatever our kids tell us, they really love us and need us even though they do not want to admit it. Third is to always listen to them, to their thoughts and aspirations, to accept it and then to try to analyse with them what the consequences would be. And lastly trust them and let them "learn the hard way" if that is what they really think at the end of the discussion that is the right thing to do.
I think I wrote enough for one evening, I would love to hear what others think about these matters.
Love to all
Hagay