Creating the life of your dreams is something each of us can accomplish. The foundation of a healthy mindset opens possibilities and opportunities for building success in any area of your life. These skills breakdown into two categories:
Experiment with the following concepts. Don't try to do all of this at once. Make any one of these a daily practice or habit and your life will change; they are that powerful.
Take responsibility for your own mood. This principle is about you keeping the quality of life you want to live in your own hands. We’ve all had the experience of someone yelling or saying something sharp or cutting. How fast will you regain your composure, how fast will you rise back to your feet, brush yourself off, and step back into the mood you want to live your life with. If you let your mood be dependent on the circumstances around you, if you can only be happy if things are going the way you want, then you’re giving up on way too much of the goodness in life. You cannot control most of what goes on around you in this world, but you can control what goes on inside. How different would your life be if you choose to rise every day? Choosing your own mood is something we all have the power to do. Choosing happiness and gratitude is a habit that will bring incredible quality to every day.
Take responsibility for your relationships. You have a real choice about how you relate to those you are closest to. “What if you were 100% responsible for all your relationships?” Not 50/50, it’s all you, baby. That means that you can use tools like
It’s not about your “rights;” you’re not entitled. It’s all a gift. This is not simply about saying, “thank you” when you get something. When you view everything you have as a gift, your appreciation and pleasure in life will soar. Think about this: Would you rather be with someone who is demanding of you or who appreciates what you do? What’s the attitude that would open you to give more? Seeing all of life as a gift is a mindset that strengthens you in several ways.
Keep your hopes high and your expectations flexible. There’s an expression that may help with balance in the way we react to things. “Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.” We want life to go well, and sometimes we have those days when all seems right. “This, too, shall pass.” It’s not just the hard stuff that will pass; the juicy stuff has a pulse of expansion and contraction also. This mindset helps you take action toward the best results and at the same time gives you the power to release what didn’t happen the way you wanted. When you can let go of the expectations of what “should” happen, your mind is free to explore a different route and instead of getting stuck in disappointment, your mind is free to take in the learning and your emotions are free to choose joy or gratitude, or both.
Be grateful—especially when things are not going your way. Gratitude is actually a doorway to receiving more. This works in two ways, from the inside (how you feel about what you receive in life) and from the outside (givers are gratified when receivers are grateful). The inside job is where you train your own attitude every day in the smallest and grandest of ways to say thank you for what is. This doesn’t mean you are complacent, it means you are content. You still take action for building the life you want and at the same time you enjoy the process instead of demanding that things must be a certain way in your timing. There’s a big picture that we don’t have access to. From the outside: Have you ever given someone a gift and they tossed it to the side in disgust? It doesn’t make you want to give them more. You don’t have to fake liking something if that sends the wrong message, but expressing sincere gratitude for the effort and love that went into a gift is, at the very least, good manners. Everything you have in life is a gift, from your Creator and from the people around you. Whether it’s a meal, a smile, or knowledge, the mindset of gratitude will open you to receiving more and will put you in a place of peace. Extra Credit: try to be grateful for the negative experiences too. Experiment with that and watch your joy grow even more exponentially!
The world is plotting to make you better. Some people start with the assumption that everyone is “out to get them.” It’s likely they’ve been hurt or taken advantage of in the past so they live life in a defensive way. Assuming the world is plotting to make you better is not about closing your eyes and abandoning your boundaries. Coming from the place that you assume the world is out to make your life better is about looking for—and attracting—more good into your life. Even when a situation seems to go all wrong, you’re actually being given a life lesson. If you are willing to receive even the hard lessons life brings as gift, if you’re open to understanding and learning, you will see new ways to make the choices that will serve you in creating the results you truly want.
Make someone else happy. Service will lift you. Service, thinking about others and the difference you can make in their lives will get you out of the dumps in your own world and gives meaning to life. That could be to your family, friends, or community. Service can be a kind word, and helpful action, or a monetary donation. Service can be helping someone with their groceries, or giving an apple or a protein bar to the beggar outside the grocery store. Service can be listening to a friend, just listening. The idea is getting outside of your own situation, stepping about from your own frustrations or challenges in life and giving to someone else. Volunteer possibilities abound. Contribute. No matter how down or troubled you may be feeling, look outside yourself and find a way to give to others. Don’t expect gratitude; just serve because while you’re bringing goodness to those around you, you’ll find you’re building yourself at the same time. Taste the pleasure of making someone else happy.
You can do this!
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Ready for a little game? What if you had all the money you could dream of? What would you be doing differently in your life? What would you spend that money on? A wonderful exercise to do is to make a list of all the things you would do.
There are two ways to play with on this one.
First of all, if you plan your finances well (would you like a link to a program that will help with that?), you can do anything you want. Not everything you want but pretty much what ever goals you have, you can save for the top most important or fulfilling money goals.
Also, if you play this out, you may notice that there's a pattern of a kind of experience you want in life. You might find a pattern that leads you on a creative path. Many people find that they are interested in leaving a positive mark in the world with some kind of service.
As you look at each item on your list, ask yourself what the experience is that you're looking for. Then ask yourself, "How can I achieve that experience in my life right now?"
As a young woman I had an experience of giving that changed my life. I didn't have a lot but I had more than a young couple I met and I was able to give to them in a way that was sweet and surprising to them and at the same time, something that I could afford. It changed the way I looked at giving.
You don't have to wait "until" you have enough time, money, energy or what ever. You can start right now, right from where you are. The idea here is to fine tune what would mean the most to you and then go for it.
It doesn't happen all at once. But one step at a time and you'll be living the life of your dreams.
So what's one small step you can take right now?
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It may seem like you're trying and trying to change things in your life but nothing's changing, nothing's moving. I am here to tell you my dear reader, that even if you don't see results right now, you are effecting change in your life.
Each small change you make will, over time, have a big impact.
If you eat at a fast food restaurant one time it's not really a big deal. But if you each fast food every day, you will gain weight. If you study a new language one time, you will not speak a new language. But if you study every day for a set time--even five minutes a day--you will learn to speak that new language. Same with exercise of course. If you exercise only one time, even for five hours, it will not have the same impact as exercising every day for 15 or 20 minutes.
The small changes you make in your life do have an impact even if you don't see it right away. So stay strong, be patient, and keep on making those little tweaks so that you are loving and living happier and healthier.
You really can do this!
The problem with communication is that people think it's done just because they said something one time.
You think you told your _______ (fill in the blank: spouse, friend, parent, child, coworker, employee, employer...) about ______ (fill in the blank: your plans, your thoughts, your feelings, when you are coming home etc.) and in fact you did say what you wanted to say. But could they really hear you?
Sometimes I'm working on the computer (like right now when I write these posts) and my husband says something to me. I am in another world. Even though we are in the same room, I may not even register anything more than the fact that he just said something, but what ever the heck he said, it didn't register.
Guideline #1: Make sure you are both fully present. Have eye contact and that the person you're speaking with is really with you and not in another mental realm.
Guideline #2: Benefit of the doubt.
Assume harmless intentions.
How many times have you said something with only good intentions just to have the other person jump all over you like you just attacked? Or have you been on the other end, and thought the other person was putting you down only to discover later that wasn't the case at all?
Once someone said something that could have been taken as a complete put down. The man that said it to me was a great teacher and very generous of spirit so I took it as feedback. I made a comment that horrified him because he then understood how I misunderstood what he meant. He was actually trying to be modest of his own position, not put me down. Wow, so glad that was cleared up.
Apply these two simple tips for better connections in communicating. Over time these tips will add up to much better results.
Want to be happy? You have to choose it. There are abundant opportunities to be sad, angry, bummed, disappointed. But happiness? You have to grab it with both hands and cling to the idea and feelings like a pit bull with a bone! This is no small thing.
Now, just because you decide that you want to be happy is not a guarantee. But it has to start with the decision and commitment.
Let's say you want to clean your bathroom. You can want a clean bathroom all day long but eventually you'll have to pick up a sponge or a rag or a toilet brush and start scrubbing. Right? If you only have time to spray and wipe down the mirror, that's ok, now your mirror is clean and that's a great start. Get the idea? Decide you want happiness and then take action to create the habits and mindset of happiness.
A happy life does not happen all at once. You work for it. You commit to it. You take action to clean away the muck and mire. Little by little your choices add up. The kind of music you listen to, the people you spend time with, the entertainment you choose, the way you talk to yourself and others, etc.
If you want to be fit, you don't work out all in one day, you have to change your food and activity. Make sense? So for happiness, dig in and plan your emotional, physical, and mental environments to clear out what isn't working and implement what does bring you joy, true joy. Step by step. And Providence will step in as your partner in joy.
How about starting out by generously sharing your smile? Experiment with greeting someone new warmly, as if he or she is an old friend. Let me know what happens.
Thanks to Scott Liddlle (hotblack) and Morguefile.com for the great photo!
Are you listening? Are you listening to what is going on inside of you? Each one of us is such a complex being. What I find over and over and over and over again is that each one of us has the knowing inside for clarity about what is best to do or not do. The tricky part is learning to sense the the truest part of your inner knowing and not to be tricked by the mind or emotions or impulses. This is about owning your own personal power in the deepest way.
The best way to hear that truest inner guidance that comes from the highest place of the soul is to be still and quiet. And then Listen. Listen. Listen.
Overwhelm is that feeling that there-is-too-much-to-do-and-how-will-I-ever-get-it-done-with-so-much-on-my-plate-right-now-anyway kind of rush. You can get like a deer crossing the road and then freezes when she sees the oncoming headlights.
So what to do when you get "deer in the headlights syndrome?"
Heave a juicy sigh and let go of it all for just a few seconds.
Center your thoughts on the inside and ask:
What is the one thing I can do now that will serve me the most in this moment?
Trust your guts.
Say thank you.
Take action: a baby step is enough.
The idea is to take small steps in the direction of your goals and dreams. (Make sure they are your goals and dreams.)
One step at a time gets you to your destination, one potato peeled starts dinner, one paragraph written starts the ball rolling, one hug or smile starts the healing where there's pain.
You can do this.
Thanks to Matthew Hull and Morguefile.com for the great photo.
Live the extraordinary life you deserve.
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Aunt Laya inspires and encourages you to live the life you want for yourself!