When Memories Haunt You

Question: 
Why does the past always have to come back and make you suffer in the present? Is the past always going to be coming back to you? Does your past always haunt you for the rest of your life? Will your past ever stay in the past?
 
Answer: 
These are such significant questions. There are several layers to all of this.

First of all, all of life has purpose and meaning. Sometimes we get the wrong idea that we’re supposed to live happily ever after. We are supposed to enjoy the gift of life, but it’s not like in the movies—like you solve one challenge and then you’re free to have fun. We do get fun, but we’ll always have the next test too. It’s just part of what makes up this crazy and wonderful life. We’re supposed to grow, and the tests we come up against actually shape us to be better and better. The issue is the way we meet the tests and the way we relate to the issues that come up—including the past.
 
There are different ways the past comes into the present. If it is through the memory of past events, you can change your thinking to leave the past in the past.  There are different ways to do this—it could be that time heals it or it could be that you learn how to release memories that don’t serve you. When a bad memory comes up it could be that you need to face it and tell it head on that it does not have power over you any more. It could be that you need to have a good look at that experience and grab the lessons. The hardest part of making mistakes or having hard things happen in our lives is the way we frame them. An example of that is a woman who felt abandoned by her father. She cried and cried for years until she understood that she would not be the strong woman she was—she learned how to take care of herself in magnificent ways. She found the gift in the pain. There is always a gift in the pain. If you don’t see it yet, be patient.
 
Another kind of haunting from the past is when you find that the past is repeating, then you have a whole other challenge to find out what is going on: what do you need to learn? Here’s a little example: let’s say someone puts a raw egg on the table and it rolls off, falls on the floor, and then breaks. If she keeps putting another egg in the same place, it will always roll off. She has to learn that she either needs to put the egg in something that won’t roll, or put the egg somewhere else. Lessons will keep repeating until we change. We have to change the way we react to things. For a lot of women this comes in the form of going for the same kind of men (the name and the face change but the relationship stays the same).
 
The bottom line about difficult memories from the past is that you can actually change the way you relate to them. You can send the images that haunt you in your mind’s eye away when they come up, or you can take the you that is in that memory and make that younger part of you safe right now.  Do not under estimate the power of imagination.
 
Be gentle with yourself and be sure you are surrounding yourself with kindness and strong boundaries. Trust that if you ask a question, the answers will come. We don’t always get the answers when we want them.
 
These ideas may be something you have to practice. It could work for you on the first time you think about them or the tenth time, but they you will get better and more skilled with practice. We all fall on our faces and then we just have to get up one more time. I know you’ll rise!
 
Love,
Aunt Laya

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