Everyone has negative or unwanted thoughts that come to mind. The thing is, you don't have to let your thoughts run away with you!
You get to be in control of your own thoughts. You can invite and allow thoughts that serve you, that inspire you, that ignite the sparks of joy, that motivate you to move forward or to build your dreams. And you can reject or block the negative thoughts or "voices" (you know what I mean, like when you hear the voice of some bully who put you down going into re-play mode in your mind).
One technique you can uses is to relate to these thoughts the same way you might if it was a sales call coming in on your cell phone. You can see the caller ID and you don't have to waste your time on it. Just don't answer.
Another technique is to visualize something like what The Good Witch of the North said to the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz. "You have no power here. Be gone!"
Just say it over and over.
It's a good idea to have a few positive thoughts or visualizations to fill in the place of the thought you're shooing away. How about picturing (or actually eating!) your favorite fruit? How about remembering that beautiful note that your dear friend wrote you in junior high, or last week? Or the smile of someone who loves you. Or... you fill in the blank.
You can do this!
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Watch this short video called "Can You Trust Your Eyes?" and then keep reading
So now you understand that your eyes give information to your brain and your brain fills in more information. Only you've just seen that even when something is provable, that doesn't mean you'll see it as it is.
What if our other perceptions were like that too? What if you think something is one way but in fact, it might not be at all? Maybe you can use this to your advantage.
What I'm trying to get to is a sort of "fake it 'til you make it" kind of thinking, or perhaps "reframing". If you can bring yourself more peace and well being on the inside by allowing yourself to know that perhaps there is a "benefit of the doubt" to a situation that is causing you mental or emotional anguish. Perhaps you can even imagine your way out of mental or emotional pain.
Can you think of ways you can use this idea to give yourself the gift of freedom? What you thought was dark grey was really light grey visually, so maybe what you thought was not so nice, could really turn out to have a big benefit for you?
What are the ways you can think of to use this idea to make some area of your life happier?
Let me know,
Want to be happy? You have to choose it. There are abundant opportunities to be sad, angry, bummed, disappointed. But happiness? You have to grab it with both hands and cling to the idea and feelings like a pit bull with a bone! This is no small thing.
Now, just because you decide that you want to be happy is not a guarantee. But it has to start with the decision and commitment.
Let's say you want to clean your bathroom. You can want a clean bathroom all day long but eventually you'll have to pick up a sponge or a rag or a toilet brush and start scrubbing. Right? If you only have time to spray and wipe down the mirror, that's ok, now your mirror is clean and that's a great start. Get the idea? Decide you want happiness and then take action to create the habits and mindset of happiness.
A happy life does not happen all at once. You work for it. You commit to it. You take action to clean away the muck and mire. Little by little your choices add up. The kind of music you listen to, the people you spend time with, the entertainment you choose, the way you talk to yourself and others, etc.
If you want to be fit, you don't work out all in one day, you have to change your food and activity. Make sense? So for happiness, dig in and plan your emotional, physical, and mental environments to clear out what isn't working and implement what does bring you joy, true joy. Step by step. And Providence will step in as your partner in joy.
How about starting out by generously sharing your smile? Experiment with greeting someone new warmly, as if he or she is an old friend. Let me know what happens.
Thanks to Scott Liddlle (hotblack) and Morguefile.com for the great photo!
Sometimes you gotta get stuff off your chest, rant, blow off some steam. But that doesn't mean you have to do it in a destructive way. Gossip, talking about other people, is a pretty destructive way to go. It won't really help you in the long run, and in truth, gossiping about other people will hurt you, the listener, and the subject in ways we don't even fathom.
That's not to say you can't talk about things ever but when other people are involved, caution is important. Once you let the words go, you can't get them back.
One way I have dealt with my hardest of feelings, hurt, anger, disappointment and so on, is to write it out. Let it loose and say what you need to say. The idea here is that you will not be sending it. Just spill out the feelings and get clear. Clear out the hurt and anger and maybe even get clear about what you need to learn from the situation, if you can.
Some people rip up the paper after they write the letter. Some people even burn it up. I was very upset about a few things and wrote a bunch of letters in my journal. At first I thought I might send them but in the end, I felt better and there was no reason to send the letters. That would not have served anyone at all.
The issue here is how you are inside yourself when times or relationships are challenging. You'll be happier and more peaceful inside your own skin and that will have a ripple effect in positive ways.
So, spill your guts onto paper and then let it go. Delete the hurt and keep the growth.
I was out shopping and heard crying. I turned to look. What I saw was a little family walking: a mom, a dad, a little boy crying, and a baby in a stroller. The mom and dad were not alarmed, the baby was peaceful, the boy was upset. Did he want something that his parents didn't give him? Was it time for his nap? Something upset him, but in the scheme of things, what ever he was bummed about didn't seem to be alarming to anyone around.
Now, his feelings were real to him. He (and everyone for that matter) deserved to be related to with sensitivity and kindness. And, at the same time, nothing tragic was really going on.
For me, it was the perfect reflection of my life that day. I wasn't feeling well when I saw that scene. I wasn't actually crying on the outside, but I felt like I could have been. Still, from a wider perspective, the "not feeling well" of that moment was OK. Especially considering that just two days before I was in terrible pain with food poisoning. So on a pain scale, the pain I was feeling wasn't that high. Truth is, I have a great life and I have a LOT to be grateful about. Still, I get to have my feelings. The cool thing is that I also have a choice about how quickly or slowly I want to move through the little challenges. (Hooray for options and choices.)
Understanding all of this didn't make me feel physically any better. But it did help me get perspective. That was helpful.
So maybe this story will help you get perspective too. When you're sad and crying, consider the big picture of your life and you may find that things are not as bad as you thought.
Of course, I don't really mean a real shower or bath. I'm talking about the cleaning up of the emotions or thoughts. It's a theme here. :-)
What makes me an "expert" is that I have studied this area of life extensively. And I practice what I preach, too. In graduate school, we walked the walk; all the work we did to learn counseling skills was turned inwardly. As one person said to me, "Well, it makes sense: you can't wash windows if your glasses are dirty." Since I graduated (over 20 years ago!), I have continued to read books, attend lectures and online summits, even as I have written, given speeches, and been interviewed.
Guess what? Life continues to bring challenges into my life! I don't get out of it. So even as I share the ways to lift your spirit or live your dreams, I also face my own personal challenges. I apply all the same tools to my life as I recommend to you. I experiment on myself and if it works for me, I share.
If I'm the "expert" then I should have mastered this by now, don't you think? But that's as silly as saying that if I exercised for two years, that I don't need to exercise any more.
We eat, are sated, digest, get hungry, eat again.
We exercise, we rest, we need to move again.
Water is like emotions, they can be fluid, steamy hot, or icy cold. So to keep your emotional self healthy, you sometimes need to talk about it, sometimes let it go, sometimes transform, and all the time forgive (the truest form of letting go). It's like bathing. You bathe but that doesn't mean you're done for life just because you took one shower. You have to keep yourself clean.
Remember what bathing was like as a kid? You didn't always want to get into that tub. But usually, once you did, you could have some fun getting clean. So, take the risk of getting your thoughts and feelings clean and clear. Ask for help if you need help and don't stop until you get the clarity that brings you true inner peace. It won't last forever. You'll need to process again, but each time you do, you'll come out "smelling like roses." It's worth it!
Thanks to morguefile.com and
Live the extraordinary life you deserve.
Aunt Laya inspires and encourages you to live the life you want for yourself! She'll tell you the truth, even when it's not always so easy to hear so that you can learn to handle the hard stuff of life and be your best, happiest self. Always with love and caring.