It may seem like you're trying and trying to change things in your life but nothing's changing, nothing's moving. I am here to tell you my dear reader, that even if you don't see results right now, you are effecting change in your life.
Each small change you make will, over time, have a big impact.
If you eat at a fast food restaurant one time it's not really a big deal. But if you each fast food every day, you will gain weight. If you study a new language one time, you will not speak a new language. But if you study every day for a set time--even five minutes a day--you will learn to speak that new language. Same with exercise of course. If you exercise only one time, even for five hours, it will not have the same impact as exercising every day for 15 or 20 minutes.
The small changes you make in your life do have an impact even if you don't see it right away. So stay strong, be patient, and keep on making those little tweaks so that you are loving and living happier and healthier.
You really can do this!
The problem with communication is that people think it's done just because they said something one time.
You think you told your _______ (fill in the blank: spouse, friend, parent, child, coworker, employee, employer...) about ______ (fill in the blank: your plans, your thoughts, your feelings, when you are coming home etc.) and in fact you did say what you wanted to say. But could they really hear you?
Sometimes I'm working on the computer (like right now when I write these posts) and my husband says something to me. I am in another world. Even though we are in the same room, I may not even register anything more than the fact that he just said something, but what ever the heck he said, it didn't register.
Guideline #1: Make sure you are both fully present. Have eye contact and that the person you're speaking with is really with you and not in another mental realm.
Guideline #2: Benefit of the doubt.
Assume harmless intentions.
How many times have you said something with only good intentions just to have the other person jump all over you like you just attacked? Or have you been on the other end, and thought the other person was putting you down only to discover later that wasn't the case at all?
Once someone said something that could have been taken as a complete put down. The man that said it to me was a great teacher and very generous of spirit so I took it as feedback. I made a comment that horrified him because he then understood how I misunderstood what he meant. He was actually trying to be modest of his own position, not put me down. Wow, so glad that was cleared up.
Apply these two simple tips for better connections in communicating. Over time these tips will add up to much better results.
"A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable
but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." ~ George Bernard Shaw
Don't be afraid of making mistakes. It's one of the ways we learn. Learn from your mistakes and then move forward.
Dream your dreams, do the thing that gives your life meaning. If you're doing something that doesn't make your heart sing--in the big picture, nothing is always perfectly wonderful, there are challenges in even the best of choices--you can always change direction, change your mind, regroup, and move ahead in the direction you want to be moving!
One of the beautiful gifts that life experience brings is that each mistake you make shapes you. You have more experience and you get to make more choices from a position of deeper understanding.
Be true to you. (and be honest with yourself!)
"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." ~ Albert Einstein
Thanks to morguefile for the photo
Want to be happy? You have to choose it. There are abundant opportunities to be sad, angry, bummed, disappointed. But happiness? You have to grab it with both hands and cling to the idea and feelings like a pit bull with a bone! This is no small thing.
Now, just because you decide that you want to be happy is not a guarantee. But it has to start with the decision and commitment.
Let's say you want to clean your bathroom. You can want a clean bathroom all day long but eventually you'll have to pick up a sponge or a rag or a toilet brush and start scrubbing. Right? If you only have time to spray and wipe down the mirror, that's ok, now your mirror is clean and that's a great start. Get the idea? Decide you want happiness and then take action to create the habits and mindset of happiness.
A happy life does not happen all at once. You work for it. You commit to it. You take action to clean away the muck and mire. Little by little your choices add up. The kind of music you listen to, the people you spend time with, the entertainment you choose, the way you talk to yourself and others, etc.
If you want to be fit, you don't work out all in one day, you have to change your food and activity. Make sense? So for happiness, dig in and plan your emotional, physical, and mental environments to clear out what isn't working and implement what does bring you joy, true joy. Step by step. And Providence will step in as your partner in joy.
How about starting out by generously sharing your smile? Experiment with greeting someone new warmly, as if he or she is an old friend. Let me know what happens.
Thanks to Scott Liddlle (hotblack) and Morguefile.com for the great photo!
Actors don't expect a perfect performance when they take a role. They have to rehearse until their part becomes natural. You get to use that same tool for real life! When you know that you have a hard time with something--anything from setting boundaries or negative self talk, you name it, try using this strategy. When you're feeling good, or at least aware, that's the time to make a plan. Make a plan for something you can do to help you move in the direction that will serve you. Let me get more specific.
Do you find yourself thinking negative thoughts? Have a plan for the next time you notice those negative thoughts so you can pull yourself out. Need ideas? I've shared some of my most powerful ideas on this blog: gratitude is one of them. Something I used to do for my family when my kids were little was to have some songs I would sing to help change the energy to be more positive. (There is a technique called "patterns interrupt" so snap yourself or others out of that auto pilot mode.) I use that strategy on my own self. (Scroll down for song ideas!)
The thing is when you have a behavior or thoughts that you want to change to be more positive, it's wise to have in mind what you will do when you catch yourself in the negative place so that you can change.
So what will it be for you? What do you want to release (old habits or reactions?) in your life? What will you replace it with? Make a plan and rehearse it (in thought and action); choose something simple and create success. Then, when the time comes in real life, practice it until the new desired thoughts or actions become what's real. This stuff truly works. You can create the change you want to be!
Live the extraordinary life you deserve.
Aunt Laya inspires and encourages you to live the life you want for yourself! She'll tell you the truth, even when it's not always so easy to hear so that you can learn to handle the hard stuff of life and be your best, happiest self. Always with love and caring.