"If at first you don't succeed,
You get to decide how you want to frame your life and your perceptions. Kind of like when you take a photograph. You choose what to focus on. In life, you decide what to focus on! You decide who is in the picture and who is out. You decide what you want to photograph--you decide what to put energy into, and how you want to do that.
Then once you have taken your photo--or once something has already happened in your life--you decide how you want to view it in your mind. To open up your thoughts on this one, take a minute to understand how a frame on a picture really makes a difference:
If you have never taken anything to a frame shop, now would be a good time to head on out to one just to have a look at how the process works.
You can see ideas of the way things can look in different frames and how many different kinds of frames and matts you can choose from. The environment you place your picture in is also like a frame.
So how do you apply this in your life? Let's say you set the goal of hiking up a mountain. At the end of the day, you didn't make it to the top of the mountain. Now you get to choose the way you want to frame the day.
You could say to yourself: Wow, what a great day, I saw wonderful sites, climbed higher than I ever have before, and had a nice time.
You could say to yourself: What a failure, I never even got to the top of the mountain.
What attitude will serve you the best? What attitude will help you enjoy the life you are living?
Here's another way you can use reframing: A child says "I hate you" to his parent. The parent can say to himself "Oh, I'm a failure as a parent!" OR "This kid is tired and needs a nap." OR "What can I do to help my child understand this situation?" In this situation you can use reframing to give another person the benefit of the doubt. You can do that if you're the kid too. Say your parents yell at you "for no reason". It could be that they are actually having a bad day! Poor, poor parents. They are doing the best they can.
And, you're allowed to give your own self the benefit of the doubt too! You are doing the best you can. When you make a mistake (or your parents or your kids or anyone) know that you (and they) are doing the best you can.
I used to be athletic. I was on a fencing team, on a swim team, and I was a martial artist. I've since been diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerosis) and it really effected my balance and the way I can exercise. I could cry and cry about it, or I can redefine what a successful day of exercise is. I choose to celebrate what I can accomplish. It's such a happier place to be.
Bottom line: You can choose the thoughts and perspective that you want. I hope you'll choose well in ways that will help you grow and find peace.
You can do this!