Question: 
Why does the past always have to come back and make you suffer in the present? Is the past always going to be coming back to you? Does your past always haunt you for the rest of your life? Will your past ever stay in the past?
 
Answer: 
These are such significant questions. There are several layers to all of this.

First of all, all of life has purpose and meaning. Sometimes we get the wrong idea that we’re supposed to live happily ever after. We are supposed to enjoy the gift of life, but it’s not like in the movies—like you solve one challenge and then you’re free to have fun. We do get fun, but we’ll always have the next test too. It’s just part of what makes up this crazy and wonderful life. We’re supposed to grow, and the tests we come up against actually shape us to be better and better. The issue is the way we meet the tests and the way we relate to the issues that come up—including the past.
 
There are different ways the past comes into the present. If it is through the memory of past events, you can change your thinking to leave the past in the past.  There are different ways to do this—it could be that time heals it or it could be that you learn how to release memories that don’t serve you. When a bad memory comes up it could be that you need to face it and tell it head on that it does not have power over you any more. It could be that you need to have a good look at that experience and grab the lessons. The hardest part of making mistakes or having hard things happen in our lives is the way we frame them. An example of that is a woman who felt abandoned by her father. She cried and cried for years until she understood that she would not be the strong woman she was—she learned how to take care of herself in magnificent ways. She found the gift in the pain. There is always a gift in the pain. If you don’t see it yet, be patient.
 
Another kind of haunting from the past is when you find that the past is repeating, then you have a whole other challenge to find out what is going on: what do you need to learn? Here’s a little example: let’s say someone puts a raw egg on the table and it rolls off, falls on the floor, and then breaks. If she keeps putting another egg in the same place, it will always roll off. She has to learn that she either needs to put the egg in something that won’t roll, or put the egg somewhere else. Lessons will keep repeating until we change. We have to change the way we react to things. For a lot of women this comes in the form of going for the same kind of men (the name and the face change but the relationship stays the same).
 
The bottom line about difficult memories from the past is that you can actually change the way you relate to them. You can send the images that haunt you in your mind’s eye away when they come up, or you can take the you that is in that memory and make that younger part of you safe right now.  Do not under estimate the power of imagination.
 
Be gentle with yourself and be sure you are surrounding yourself with kindness and strong boundaries. Trust that if you ask a question, the answers will come. We don’t always get the answers when we want them.
 
These ideas may be something you have to practice. It could work for you on the first time you think about them or the tenth time, but they you will get better and more skilled with practice. We all fall on our faces and then we just have to get up one more time. I know you’ll rise!
 
Love,
Aunt Laya

Giving is an interesting topic.
Today we'll talk about these kinds of giving:

• Giving thanks.
• Forgiving.
• Self-forgiveness.
• Giving gifts.

Giving Thanks
We can give thanks. Ahhhh, now here's an area that needs no limit. Gratitude is a beautiful thing for opening channels.

• Thank people who help you, even if they're just doing their job. 
• Thank those who give you the chance to help them! Whether you thank them in your heart or so they know it, it's a beautiful thing to have the chance to help someone in need. (Note: This is not about depleting your energy, keep it in balance!) How nice to be able to give charity to an organization and know that they'll do all the work on your behalf!
• Thank the people closest to you for the daily or mundane actions. One woman shared with me once that after her husband died she noticed that he was the one that took in the mail every day. Such a small act of service that makes a difference.
• Thank God for the smallest gifts each day brings. One man wrote about losing his sense of taste so eating became so unpleasant. How wonderful to have the gift of taste today!
• Daily gratitude can keep your attitude in a healthy, beautiful balance. When you start to notice the good in life, you start seeing even more good!

Forgiving
There's another kind of giving to think about. Forgiving. We are in a season when many families spend time together. Lots of old hurts can come to the surface. If you can allow yourself a new perspective, perhaps the idea that the person that makes you feel a certain way is just life's way of giving you a great opportunity to grow, you might be able to plug into forgiveness and release. (Note: That does not mean it's OK to put yourself in harm's way! It means ignore the irritating things  your family might say or do.)

Can you find a way to frame those undesired comments to see there might be good intentions behind them? On a soul level, the people who bug you most likely mean no harm at all. Forgive without expecting any change. Forgive because it heals you.

One of my favorite exercises for forgiveness is to pretend to forgive when you find it hard in the moment. That opens the door to expand.

Forgiveness and Self-forgiveness Overlap
We are so dang hard on ourselves. But guess what? Negative self-talk about your mistakes doesn't do any good! What does is productive is an inner inventory. Beating yourself up only holds you back from the greater good. In this difficult phase of self inventory, it's time to face the truth of your actions. If you did something that hurt others, this is a good time to own the choices you've made. Author and intuitive Caroline Myss uses strong language when she guides people to admit that the hurts we bring to others are a kind of sin. She calls it the language of the soul (instead of using the language of the mind). If you feel bad about something you did or said, fix it the best you can both on the outside and on the inside. That means owning up to the hurt you may have caused others because you were only thinking about what was good for you. This is work every human must do.

• Repair things you broke.
• Return things or money you borrowed or at least call to say you remember and will get to it soon.
  
• Say "I'm sorry" if you hurt someone. It's not just "sorry" for the actions or words themselves but for doing or saying the things that caused damage to another. Wallowing in your hurt and regret does nothing to heal the pain you may (or may not) have caused. The general guideline is to try to sincerely apologize. If the other refuses your apology, approach the one you wronged up to three times and if you're shunned, there's nothing more you can do, so move on.
  

When you've made the effort to repair things on the outside, it's time to make the effort to repair things on the inside.

• Put your hands over your heart. Take a deep breath. Say out loud (it can be a whisper but your ears must hear it): I forgive myself for judging myself. You can fill in the blank. You know, your judgments may or may not be accurate!
• Make a list of some of the good things you've done. You've done good things. You've healed someone with your song. You helped someone in need. You were kind to someone close to you. You were kind to a stranger.
• Write yourself a love letter from your future self. Twenty years from now your older self has some words of wisdom to share. Be creative and let the love note flow.
• Write a note to your past self. Whoever you were in the past had a limited perspective. Address the pain you had in your past from the perspective you have now.

Need more help? Ask! Reach out. Giving the gift of deep joy to yourself brings more joy to the world.

Giving Gifts
We love to shop. We love stuff. But not everyone needs more stuff these days. If you know someone that needs something, great. Here are a few ideas about giving stuff:

• Some people love to hear good things. Write those people a wonderful love note.
• Make a gratitude list. This is great for parents or spouses. You're all grown now, but you may not remember that someone cut your fingernails when you were a baby. Get creative and thankful.
• Give "consumable" items. Gifts that don't create more clutter like a fruit of the month subscription or a gift certificate to a restaurant. A massage or a night out. How about a session with a photographer for a family photo?
• Make a donation. You can give a nice certificate showing the good that is being done in their honor. This is bigger than most people understand. It's big!
• The gift of time! You know what that looks like, right? ☺

The way to bring peace into your life is to bring peace into your life. One step at a time. Give thanks, forgive others, and forgive yourself.

Love,
Aunt Laya

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Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

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What you say and how you say it matters. Your facial expression matters. You impact your own happiness and the happiness in others with the way you speak and the way you use your smile. This is something real and the following Ted Talk by Vanessa Van Edwards will give you some interesting info on the topic.

If you want to be better at something (from riding a bike to speaking a new language to being happier), you practice. After watching the video, you can see that even science is behind this concept.

You can make your corner of the world a better place by sharing your smile, your excitement, and asking great questions.

You can do this!
Love,
Aunt Laya

Over a quarter million people lose a loved one to suicide every year in the United States, but this public health crisis rarely gets the attention it deserves. Here are some facts you need to know in order to understand this growing problem.

What to Do if You’re Feeling Suicidal
If you’re thinking about hurting yourself, reach out to a crisis hotline for someone to talk to. While suicide may seem like an option in this moment, it’s a decision you can never take back.

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-8255 (English), 1-888-628-9454 (Spanish), 1-800-799-4889 (deaf and hard of hearing), or online chat.
• IMAlive, 1-800-442-4673 or IMAlive chat.
•  Crisis Text Line, text HOME to 741741. 

You can call a crisis hotline for yourself or if you’re worried about someone you know. And crisis hotlines aren’t only for moments when self-harm seems imminent; you can call a crisis hotline any time you need support.

Facts About Suicide in the U.S.
It’s easy to think that suicide could never affect you or your loved ones, but the reality is, suicide is a leading cause of death in the U.S. Here are some numbers to know:

• Suicide is the number 10 cause of death in the U.S; among youth ages 10 to 14 it’s the third leading cause of death, and among teens and adults ages 15 to 34 it’s the second.
• Four percent of all American adults have thought about suicide; among adults aged 18 to 25, that rate more than doubles.
• Each year over 44,000 Americans die by suicide, and the suicide rate is increasing.
• Men are nearly four times as likely commit suicide than women. Women are most at risk between the ages of 45 to 64, while men over the age of 75 are most vulnerable.
• American Indians, Alaska Natives, and Whites commit suicide at more than twice the rate of Black, Asian, Pacific Islander, and Hispanic individuals.
• Firearms are used in almost half of all suicide deaths.

Risk Factors, Warning Signs, and Prevention
There’s no denying that suicide is a major problem, but what can you do about it? Preventing suicide starts with recognizing the risk factors and warning signs that can lead to a suicide attempt.
Risk Factors

• A mental health condition like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia.
• Addiction to drugs or alcohol, including prescription medications.
• A recent loss, be it the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a job or financial loss.
• Lack of social support or an isolated lifestyle.
• Access to lethal means.
• Previous suicide attempts, a family history of suicide, or exposure to the suicide of others.

Warning Signs

• Feelings of hopelessness or a lack of purpose in life.
• Changes in behavior, such as increased irritability, agitation, anger, mood swings, or reckless behavior.
• Substance abuse, such as alcohol, illicit drug, or prescription medication abuse.
• Giving away possessions or taking measures to say goodbye.
• Talking of wanting to die or kill themselves.

 
If you notice these signs in yourself or someone you know, it’s critical that you take action. Ask these questions to find out if someone has the intention, plan, and means to carry out a suicide attempt.
 

• Are you thinking of killing yourself?
• Do you have a plan?
• Do you have access to a suicide method (firearm, pills, etc.)?
• Do you know when you plan to do it?

 
While it may be uncomfortable, being direct is the best way to assess suicide risk without making the person feel stigmatized or as if they’re not being taken seriously.
 
If a person in crisis has both the intention and the means to commit suicide, call 911 immediately. Never leave a suicidal person alone.
 
If a person is thinking about suicide but doesn’t have a plan, emergency response may not be necessary. Instead, encourage the person to reach out to a crisis hotline for urgent support and find a mental health professional to provide ongoing treatment.
 
It’s possible to build a healthy, happy life after suicidal ideations, but it requires ongoing support, love, and compassion from family, friends, health care professionals, and oneself.
 
Image via Unsplash

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So often life is about the balance. The balance about the ego is that if you think about your self all the time whether you think you're the greatest or the worst, you'll find yourself out of balance. It's human nature to think mostly about yourself. We worry what other people are thinking when usually they are thinking about themselves.

It's a great idea to shift away from the popular "It's all about me" and widen your perspective to give your talents, light, donations, smile, or smile to others. The funny thing about that is that when you are able to give in a balanced way, it has a way of coming around to grow you, heal you, or lift you in one way or another.

Love,
Aunt Laya

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“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson