Reprinted with permission

Dear Natasha,
Scott and I were so happy you were our waitress the first time we went to First Watch.  You were the perfect combination of friendly, engaging and professional.  Providing amazing service while letting us have our space to talk isn’t easy.  We asked you your name to make sure we requested you each time we came after that.
 
With all the guests you serve, I couldn’t figure out how you remembered exactly what we both liked every time.  You make us feel so welcome and special each time.  When you aren’t working it just is never quite the same.  It was like we were visiting someone we knew when we saw you.
 
A few weeks ago I happened to wear an NA t-shirt I had recently gotten at a convention I attended.  You immediately noticed and said something about it.  Scott and I both said we were in recovery and your face lit up.  You admitted that you were an addict and had been going to meetings at one time and needed to get back to them.  We were excited to tell you about our home group that met on Friday nights knowing you only worked days.  You said that was a perfect time and you would be there next week.  I gave you my card and said you could call any time.  We left excited that we were able to share a message of hope with you and there was a meeting 5 days later.
 
The next time we were there you apologized for not being able to make the meeting.  We said we would be there when you were ready to come.  You said you would be there Friday and would give me a call and again Scott and I were excited knowing we would see you in a few days in a meeting. 
 
You didn’t come to the meeting Friday night, but at least you knew where we were. We came over Sunday and they said you were working later than your normal time.  For a moment I thought that was strange since you only serve breakfast and lunch, but didn’t give it another thought.  Once again breakfast wasn’t the same without you. There’s something about you that lights up wherever you stand. Your warmth was felt by so many. I guess that’s why so many people request you.
 
Scott went there without me yesterday morning.  A couple of the waitresses walked over knowing we always sat with you. They let him know that you overdosed and died on Sunday, the day they told us you were coming in to work later.  I can’t imagine what it was like for him to hear that in the very place we met you.  He knew how excited I was that you wanted recovery.  There aren’t many women in our meetings and the idea of you joining us was part of the reason we started the meeting.  We wanted a place for anyone seeking recovery from addiction to have a place to hear the message of Narcotics Anonymous and know that a day at a time, they never had to use drugs again.
 
I don’t know how he found the words to tell me what happened to you.  I sat in shock unable to process what he shared.  He said you have a 9- and 11-year-old.  How are they going to grow up without your love?  I’m sorry that you were so in the grip of your addiction that you didn’t call or come to a meeting.  We would have helped you; I promise.  All you needed to do was pick up the phone or shown up at the door.
 
Now nobody else, most of all your children will ever see the twinkle in your eyes, feel your warmth or be excited just knowing you are in the room.  I hate this disease and what it does.  What I hate even more is that this past Sunday it won and took you.
 
Rest well Natasha and know the world glows a little less bright now that you are gone.  I will miss you.
 
Please, if you or someone you know has or thinks they may have a problem with drugs, pm me, no matter where you live.  I will help get you in touch with someone in Narcotics Anonymous near you or let you know about online meetings.  They are available 24/7.  Help is available and NA is free.  Out message is simple…an addict, any addict, can stop using, lose the desire and find a new way to live.   Give us a chance…. what do you have to lose?

Karen is so sincere that she gave me her cell phone to put on this blog: is 1.404.626.0946 or you can email her at [email protected].
 
The link for NA is www.na.org.  

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Photo by Kelly Sikkema via Unsplash.com
 

 The fire was just below our yard and I saw it moving fast right for us. I called the fire department, but they never came to us. In the few moments during my call I watched the fire head up the mountain straight to neighbors' homes. It was a summer brush fire and it raged hot and fierce with no mercy. The fire licked at our yard. A pack of us from the neighborhood fought with hoses and buckets. We moved our cars, I grabbed a few things in case we had to run away. 

Anyone who's been through a fire knows that the effects can last a long time. It was years ago and things are mostly growing back now. But even months afterwards, we still felt the loss.

It took days for the smouldering to stop. It was devastating even though we didn't lose so much--some trees, some yard equipment, and such.

It was weeks later that I noticed my cat's feet were still being stained by the blackened, burned mountain. The initial trauma was behind us, but it still affected us,the experience left its mark. If fact, there's a charred tree that stands just outside our yard as a reminder of what happened. Most of the other trees grew back.

Here's what I want to remind you with this post: Remember to be gentle with yourself. You may not think you even feel the effects any more, but they may still be present. It does take time to heal. The effects of trauma don't just disappear even though life goes on. Some things were lost. And... there's new growth! We don't have to get stuck in the loss and at the same time it's a loving way to be if you can be tender and gentle with yourself and others as you process through trauma and into healing.

Are you listening? Are you listening to what is going on inside of you? Each one of us is such a complex being. What I find over and over and over and over again is that each one of us has the knowing inside for clarity about what is best to do or not do. The tricky part is learning to sense the the truest part of your inner knowing and not to be tricked by the mind or emotions or impulses. This is about owning your own personal power in the deepest way.

The best way to hear that truest inner guidance that comes from the highest place of the soul is to be still and quiet. And then Listen. Listen. Listen.