The fire was just below our yard and I saw it moving fast right for us. I called the fire department, but they never came to us. In the few moments during my call I watched the fire head up the mountain straight to neighbors' homes. It was a summer brush fire and it raged hot and fierce with no mercy. The fire licked at our yard. A pack of us from the neighborhood fought with hoses and buckets. We moved our cars, I grabbed a few things in case we had to run away. 

Anyone who's been through a fire knows that the effects can last a long time. It was years ago and things are mostly growing back now. But even months afterwards, we still felt the loss.

It took days for the smouldering to stop. It was devastating even though we didn't lose so much--some trees, some yard equipment, and such.

It was weeks later that I noticed my cat's feet were still being stained by the blackened, burned mountain. The initial trauma was behind us, but it still affected us,the experience left its mark. If fact, there's a charred tree that stands just outside our yard as a reminder of what happened. Most of the other trees grew back.

Here's what I want to remind you with this post: Remember to be gentle with yourself. You may not think you even feel the effects any more, but they may still be present. It does take time to heal. The effects of trauma don't just disappear even though life goes on. Some things were lost. And... there's new growth! We don't have to get stuck in the loss and at the same time it's a loving way to be if you can be tender and gentle with yourself and others as you process through trauma and into healing.

Giving is an interesting topic.
Today we'll talk about these kinds of giving:

• Giving thanks.
• Forgiving.
• Self-forgiveness.
• Giving gifts.

Giving Thanks
We can give thanks. Ahhhh, now here's an area that needs no limit. Gratitude is a beautiful thing for opening channels.

• Thank people who help you, even if they're just doing their job. 
• Thank those who give you the chance to help them! Whether you thank them in your heart or so they know it, it's a beautiful thing to have the chance to help someone in need. (Note: This is not about depleting your energy, keep it in balance!) How nice to be able to give charity to an organization and know that they'll do all the work on your behalf!
• Thank the people closest to you for the daily or mundane actions. One woman shared with me once that after her husband died she noticed that he was the one that took in the mail every day. Such a small act of service that makes a difference.
• Thank God for the smallest gifts each day brings. One man wrote about losing his sense of taste so eating became so unpleasant. How wonderful to have the gift of taste today!
• Daily gratitude can keep your attitude in a healthy, beautiful balance. When you start to notice the good in life, you start seeing even more good!

Forgiving
There's another kind of giving to think about. Forgiving. We are in a season when many families spend time together. Lots of old hurts can come to the surface. If you can allow yourself a new perspective, perhaps the idea that the person that makes you feel a certain way is just life's way of giving you a great opportunity to grow, you might be able to plug into forgiveness and release. (Note: That does not mean it's OK to put yourself in harm's way! It means ignore the irritating things  your family might say or do.)

Can you find a way to frame those undesired comments to see there might be good intentions behind them? On a soul level, the people who bug you most likely mean no harm at all. Forgive without expecting any change. Forgive because it heals you.

One of my favorite exercises for forgiveness is to pretend to forgive when you find it hard in the moment. That opens the door to expand.

Forgiveness and Self-forgiveness Overlap
We are so dang hard on ourselves. But guess what? Negative self-talk about your mistakes doesn't do any good! What does is productive is an inner inventory. Beating yourself up only holds you back from the greater good. In this difficult phase of self inventory, it's time to face the truth of your actions. If you did something that hurt others, this is a good time to own the choices you've made. Author and intuitive Caroline Myss uses strong language when she guides people to admit that the hurts we bring to others are a kind of sin. She calls it the language of the soul (instead of using the language of the mind). If you feel bad about something you did or said, fix it the best you can both on the outside and on the inside. That means owning up to the hurt you may have caused others because you were only thinking about what was good for you. This is work every human must do.

• Repair things you broke.
• Return things or money you borrowed or at least call to say you remember and will get to it soon.
  
• Say "I'm sorry" if you hurt someone. It's not just "sorry" for the actions or words themselves but for doing or saying the things that caused damage to another. Wallowing in your hurt and regret does nothing to heal the pain you may (or may not) have caused. The general guideline is to try to sincerely apologize. If the other refuses your apology, approach the one you wronged up to three times and if you're shunned, there's nothing more you can do, so move on.
  

When you've made the effort to repair things on the outside, it's time to make the effort to repair things on the inside.

• Put your hands over your heart. Take a deep breath. Say out loud (it can be a whisper but your ears must hear it): I forgive myself for judging myself. You can fill in the blank. You know, your judgments may or may not be accurate!
• Make a list of some of the good things you've done. You've done good things. You've healed someone with your song. You helped someone in need. You were kind to someone close to you. You were kind to a stranger.
• Write yourself a love letter from your future self. Twenty years from now your older self has some words of wisdom to share. Be creative and let the love note flow.
• Write a note to your past self. Whoever you were in the past had a limited perspective. Address the pain you had in your past from the perspective you have now.

Need more help? Ask! Reach out. Giving the gift of deep joy to yourself brings more joy to the world.

Giving Gifts
We love to shop. We love stuff. But not everyone needs more stuff these days. If you know someone that needs something, great. Here are a few ideas about giving stuff:

• Some people love to hear good things. Write those people a wonderful love note.
• Make a gratitude list. This is great for parents or spouses. You're all grown now, but you may not remember that someone cut your fingernails when you were a baby. Get creative and thankful.
• Give "consumable" items. Gifts that don't create more clutter like a fruit of the month subscription or a gift certificate to a restaurant. A massage or a night out. How about a session with a photographer for a family photo?
• Make a donation. You can give a nice certificate showing the good that is being done in their honor. This is bigger than most people understand. It's big!
• The gift of time! You know what that looks like, right? ☺

The way to bring peace into your life is to bring peace into your life. One step at a time. Give thanks, forgive others, and forgive yourself.

Love,
Aunt Laya

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Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash