Red Flags in Relationships - Warning Signs

"Red flag" is a term used to mean warning.

Sometimes we think someone is great and they turn out not to be so great at all. Usually, there are warning signs also known as "red flags." Things go very bad with some people because we ignore the red flags, the tell-tale behavior that we closed our eyes to.*

Here are some signs to pay attention to because they could be a serious warning that it may not be a good idea to enter into a relationship with the person in front of you. While this essay is not only about romantic relationships it's probably the main reason you're here. Choosing a marriage partner (or business partner or any other relationship) is a big deal and looking at someone with these filters can save you a lot of heartache.

• What's the person's reputation? If you get a number of warnings about someone, pay attention. Who's giving you the information? What's in it for them? If there's nothing in it for them to warn you, pay attention. If you're considering marriage, it's perfectly ok to ask around. Be up front about it.
• What is that person like when he or she has been drinking? Some people can get sweet and sentimental, others can go into a rage. If you see that the person you're looking to is an angry drunk--run away.
• In general, consider how someone behaves and speaks to you when angry. It's human to have emotions. It's human to get angry. But how does the person behave in their anger? Some people go walk it off, some people write in their journal, but saying cruel things or worse, actually pushing or hitting you or someone else--that's a no go. It doesn't matter if they apologize. It will happen again and it will escalate if you tolerate it even one time.
• How do they treat people who are serving them? (think waiter, cleaning person, clerk at a store, etc.) If someone says mean things to people, red flag!
• How do they spend their money? Are they generous? Overly generous? Stingy? It's a reflection of who they are. Thrifty is different than stingy. It's not really only about money, it's also about their time and the service they give to others. Do they have boundaries (or do they allow people to walk all over them)? Do they only thing about themselves and what serves them? Pay attention.
• If someone seems too good to be true keep your distance. If you've met someone who caters to you in every way, that is a set up. There are actually very dangerous people who show up in all the right ways at the beginning.

Stop making excuses for the people that are not treating you well. It's ok to let go of the wrong person, especially so that you'll be available to the right person.

So what are the qualities you're looking for in a mate? Kindness should be at the top of everyone's list. What's important to you?

Please leave your comments if you have other red flags you think people should be aware of.

Remember: "One of the best ways to get what you want is to say 'no' to what you don't want."

You can do this!
Love,
Aunt Laya



*Sometimes we miss a great relationship because we imagine red flags were there are none. That usually happens when we've been hurt in the past. If you're not sure if you're seeing what you think you're seeing, or if you're ignoring what you should pay attention to, it's a good idea to consult with someone trustworthy. 

Photo by Carson Masterson via Unsplash.com